


strangely feels at home in this place

by subtlyhaught



Category: The Young and the Restless
Genre: F/F, its a journey and the last one is rushed but i think its okay, warning, yikes this took so long to finish but here it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 13:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13388454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subtlyhaught/pseuds/subtlyhaught
Summary: Five times people thought they were dating, and the one time they were.





	strangely feels at home in this place

**Author's Note:**

> Because I started writing in November, this is set in December. Which means Scott and Sharon are still together. Only difference from non-canon stuff is the kiss didn't happen, and the girls already broke up with Noah and Devon. Also, the first three points are dialogue heavy, but stick with it it gets better.

1.

 

Open mic night at The Underground was always packed, so it didn’t come as a surprise when Mariah and Tessa had to squeeze themselves through bunches of people to get in front of the crowd.

 

It was quite the hassle, really, what with Tessas guitar in tow. But both girls were in a good mood, so hand in hand, they apologized profusely for feet they stepped on and for arms they whacked with the guitar until they emerged, triumphant, in a fit of giggles.

 

"Next time, remind me to come earlier," Mariah wheezed, wiping tears or mirth from her eyes as she looked at the surrounding crowd. "I never want to fight through a mob like that ever again."

 

"Don't think I'm worth it?" Tessa probed, a joking, light tone to her voice, as the green eyed girl weaved around a much sparser placement of people to find somewhere to set down her guitar. "Truly, Mariah, I am hurt."

 

The redhead laughed, shaking her head a bit in response. "Excuse me, have I ever missed one of your spontaneous shows?" Though, Mariah, knowing the answer was in fact yes, continued before Tessa could call her out. "Besides, this turnout is all for you."

 

Tessa scoffed, setting her guitar case down on a patch of open floor, near the wall of the room. "There's no way," she exhaled, popping open the clips on the case. "It's open mic night, they couldn't have known I was coming."

 

Mariah shrugged, looking once more at the lumps of people. "You always play open mic night," she stated. "They could've hoped you'd show. Simple."

 

Tessa stood then, her hand wrapped around the neck of her guitar, the case snapping shut. She turned to Mariah, bottom lip caught between her teeth, eyebrows knitted, her free hand playing with the tassels on her shirt.

 

She was the image of nervousness.

 

"There are so many people," Tessa muttered, eyes flitting between faces now as she scanned the crowd. "What if I can't do it?"

 

She sounded so genuinely scared, so anxious, Mariah had to ground herself to keep from thinking the same way. She took a breath. Tessa was talented, no doubt about it, and she knew how to work a crowd. The only thing that could get in her way right now would be herself.

 

"Hey." Mariah took a step towards Tessa, drawing her attention. "Don't say that. You've played venues this big before, what's different?"

 

The dark haired girl shrugged a bit, mouth opening and closing a few times as if to say something, but no sound came out.

 

So Mariah took the lead. "You know what? Whatever it is, it's okay." She reached out, hands finding Tessas shoulders. "You're amazing. Just try your very best tonight, that's all you have to do. And if you do that, I have no doubt in my mind that this performance will be spectacular."

 

It took a moment, but slowly, a small smile spread across Tessas face.

 

"You think so?"

 

"I do."

 

Before Tessa could say any more, however, applause erupted around them as Noah stepped up to the mic to introduce the acts.

 

Tessa glanced at Mariah, whos hands were still planted on the formers shoulders. The redhead was watching her half-brother as he explained open mic night, a fleeting smile taking her features as he announced Tessas name.

 

"That's you," Mariah said, turning back to Tessa and removing her hands. "Go get em tiger."

 

Tessa laughed a bit, adjusting her grip on the guitar neck. "I believe the saying is break a leg." She hummed, a shy smirk pulling at her lips as the taller girl started towards the stage.

 

Mariah breathed out her amusement, clapping her hands together as she watched Tessa leave.

 

A tap on her shoulder got her attention just as Tessa plugged in the stage amp, and Mariah turned.

 

She came face to face with a tall man, dressed in an army green shirt and black slacks. Her gestured to Tessa, now strumming the first chords of her song. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry," he said, his voice soft. "But I overheard what you told your girlfriend and - that was really sweet."

 

"Oh uh," Mariah laughed a bit, a way to try and ease the awkwardness she suddenly felt. She glanced between the man and Tessa a couple times, before she finally spoke. "We're uhm, we're not together."

 

The man pursed his lips, eyebrows knitting together. "Ah. Sorry, I didn't mean to assume." A pause. "You'd make a great couple if you were, though."

 

And then he was gone.

 

Mariah was left baffled, staring at the spot where the man had stood, then turning back to watch Tessa.

 

A couple? Her and Tessa?

 

She'd never thought of it before.

 

2.

 

The girls came in through the front doors of Crimson Lights like a small whirlwind.

 

Tessa shuffled in first, aggressively rubbing her hands together, while Mariah held the door open. The redhead was laughing as she followed Tessa, circling around the taller girl so they could be face to face.

 

"I told you to bring gloves,"

 

"I didn't think it was _that_ cold."

 

Tessa huffed, though it was clear her lips were itching to form a smile. Her cheeks were flushed from the early December chill, and her bangs were quite the mess; battered by the winter wind. She was sporting Mariahs hat which the redhead had given up to her when she noticed Tessa shivering, and how severely underdressed she was despite all Mariahs warnings. It was pulled down over her ears, which were a painful shade of red beforehand, due to the biting cold.

 

The girls were supposed to be on their way to a meeting with Devon at the club to talk about reserving studio time and any upcoming songs Tessa had in the works. Though, the pit stop at Crimson Lights seemed necessary, as Tessa had deemed it just the right weather to walk to their destinations all across town in less than appropriate winter attire, and they definitely needed to warm up.

 

Mariah shook her head a bit, laughing at the sight of Tessas red cheeks and nose. She peeled off her gloves (which she felt incredibly smart bringing) and began unraveling her scarf from around her neck.

 

Tessa watched her, immediately grabbing for the redheads mits once they were off. "I've learned though," the brunette voiced, slipping her hands into Mariahs gloves.

 

"Oh yeah?" Mariah countered, letting out an airy laugh as Tessa wiggled her fingers into the slots.

 

"Always listen to Mariah."

 

The redhead, in turn, nodded. "Damn right. Stick with me and your fingers will never freeze again."

 

Tessa laughed, shaking her head at Mariahs tone. "Okay _Scar_ ," it was teasing, said as Tessa raised her now gloved hands to her mouth and huffed into them, trying to restore some warmth and feeling.

 

Mariahs eyes followed her movements. Tessa was graceful, for the most part, though the redhead was sure she wouldn't think so. But every time Tessa spoke, or moved, Mariah was enraptured.

 

She could never place why.

 

"Hot chocolate?"

 

The question seemed to bring Mariah back to the present; the latters eyes regaining focus as she registered Tessas words.

 

"Yeah," Mariah breathed, taking a moment to clear her throat. "Yeah. Grab us a table, I'll be right back."

 

And she scampered off, just barely sneaking her scarf into Tessas grasp as she headed towards the front.

 

Sharon wasn't working the counter today; instead it was a young woman who usually covered for her. Mariah had never learned her name, but they were friendly, typically exchanging kind hellos and a word or two about the weather.

 

Today was no different; Mariah commented on the harsh chills, mentioning how Tessa underdressed, and the woman at the counter laughed.

 

"You live and you learn."

 

"I sure hope so, for her sake." Mariah hummed, chancing a glance over her shoulder at the brunette. Tessa had found a table for two that was somewhat tucked away into a corner. Her hands were tapping on the countertop, creating a beat that Tessa seemed engrossed in.

 

Mariah felt herself smile, before she inhaled and turned back to the woman at the counter. "I'll uhm, I'll take two hot chocolates please." A pause, as the woman tapped in the order. "Whipped cream for me, a shot of caramel and cinnamon for the lady."

 

A few more taps. "Coming right up. That'll be $7.45."

 

Mariah eyed the total and nodded a bit, turning to her purse. Just as she began to dig through it, she was stopped by an elderly woman coming up from behind her.

 

She shook her head at the redhead, before presenting the cashier with a ten dollar bill.

 

"Uh," Mariah tried, left a bit speechless. "Excuse me, miss, you don't have to do that. I've got it-" But the older woman shook her head again, raising her hand to stop Mariah from continuing.

 

"Nonsense," she murmured, her voice gravelly, but warm. "We have to celebrate young love when we see it. You take care of that girl."

 

Mariah stared.

 

She just stared.

 

In the span of a single week, Mariah and Tessa had been mistaken for a couple twice.

 

The first time, Mariah had spent hours mulling over it, eventually giving herself a headache but never drawing a conclusion. Now that it had happened again, she wasn't quite sure what to do.

 

So she nodded.

 

And the woman walked away just as their hot chocolates arrived.

 

3.

 

The party music was loud in the GCAC. People where everywhere, dressed in all sorts of Christmas attire; ranging from elves to reindeer to Santa Claus himself.

 

Mariah was tucked away in a corner by the bar, drink in hand, feeling slightly out of place at a party hosted by her ex. Devon was making rounds in the center of the room, engaging people in small talk. The redhead watched him as he smiled, clapped Nick on the back, and went on to talk to Lily.

 

He looked happy. And happy is what Mariah had wanted for him when she broke it off.

 

So she smiled, about to turn back to the bar as a figure slid in next to her.

 

Tessa was wearing a small, mid-thigh dress, with actual candy canes stuck on via clear tape; Faiths idea. Her face was bright, bumping Mariahs shoulder a bit with her own before speaking.

 

"You look like you're enjoying yourself."

 

Mariah raised her glass to her lips. "Trust me, I'm having the time of my life."

 

Tessa laughed, her head falling forward. "It's weird," she hummed, tilting her head to the side and looking at Mariah through her bangs. "Being at a party with your ex."

 

"Try being at a party hosted by your ex." Mariah breathed, amusement in her tone. "No, this is nice. I'm glad he's doing well. Plus," the redhead reached forwards, pushing Tessa bangs aside a bit so she could see her face more clearly. The movement was slow, languid even, and completely unexpected. Mariah took her time making a show of trailing her hand down Tessas cheek, her neck, eventually coming to rest it on her shoulder. "I've got you."

 

Tessa stared at the redhead for a moment, her mouth opening and closing once or twice as if to answer, though no sound came out. Instead, the brunette just nodded, the softest of smiles creeping onto her face.

 

"Tessa!"

 

Mariah jumped, her hand dropping from Tessas shoulder as the latter straightened up, looking for the person who had called her name. Her eyes landed on Neil, who was shouldering his way through the crowd to get to them.

 

"How's my little rockstar doing?" He was beaming, clapping Tessa on the shoulders and giving her a slight shake.

 

"I'm well," Tessa laughed, glancing at Mariah, her eyes lingering a moment, then turning back to Neil. "I'm doing well."

 

"Great, great, that's exactly what I wanted to hear." He hummed, nodding a bit, before turning to Mariah. "Mind if I steal her a minute?"

 

"How would I live on?" Mariah chuckled. "Go, I'll be alright here. I've got company." The redhead raised her drink, shaking it a little for emphasis.

 

Tessa pursed her lips, reaching out and giving Mariahs free hand a squeeze. "I'll be back," she murmured, before she eased her grip and followed Neil into the crowd.

 

Mariah watched her go, a strange feeling blossoming in her gut. She squirmed a bit. It felt oddly enough like jealousy, but Mariah didn't like that answer. She had nothing to be jealous of.

 

So she shrugged, and took a sip.

 

"What is that?"

 

Mariah startled, nearly dropping her glass. Abby had slid into the seat next to her.

 

"Everyone's sneaking up on me today," the redhead muttered, shaking her head and turning to Abby now, setting her drink down on the table. "I don't know. Bourbon?"

 

"Bourbon?" Abby echoed, picking up Mariahs glass now and holding it to the light. "Definitely pegged you for a scotch kinda gal."

 

Mariah laughed, shaking her head. "That's more Tessa than me. I'm a classic wine, champagne kind of person. Whiskeys alright here and there."

 

"A girl after my own heart," Abby hummed, setting Mariahs glass on the counter and flagging down the bartender. "Speaking of," the blonde continued, after she had been poured a glass of red. "How's your love life going?"

 

"It's not," was the response. Mariah frowned a bit, toying with her drink now. "Hasn't been since my iconic break up with Devon."

 

"That so?" Abby spoke into her glass, so her voice sounded far off. "What about Tessa? I saw you two being extra friendlier earlier. No judgement, by the way."

 

Mariah choked, practically slamming her drink down on the counter as she coughed. It took her a minute to regain herself, but eventually she managed to croak; "We're not- nothing is happening."

 

Abby perked an eyebrow, her hand dropping from where she had patted Mariahs back while her lungs were dying. "Sure, alright." She shrugged, returning her glass to her lips. "I'm sure anyone without eyes would believe that."

 

Mariah opened her mouth to argue, say something against Abbys claims, when she was stopped by the arrival of none other than Tessa herself.

 

The brunette was glowing. She practically skipped right over to Mariah, the biggest, brightest grin on her face. Clearly, her talk had gone well.

 

"My EP made it onto the Top 100s chart in the US,"

 

"What?" Mariah stood, a smile erupting across her face. It was as if the entire conversation with Abby hadn't happened. "That's insane! Look at you go,"

 

"I didn't think it would happen so quickly, or at all even." Tessa explained, gesturing with her hands. "People are actually listening. To my music. _My music._ That's completely bonkers."

 

Mariah laughed at the brunettes choice of words, shaking her head a bit. "I'm happy for you, Tessa. You deserve this."

 

"Thanks." There was a pause, in which Tessa openly stared at her redheaded friend, eyes searching, before she caught onto the fact that Abby was also blatantly watching them. "Oh, I hope I wasn't interrupting anything."

 

"Actually I was just leaving," Abby interjected, standing with her glass in hand. "Good to see you Mariah. You too, Tessa."

 

She turned to leave, but not without giving Mariah a knowing look.

 

"What was that about?"

 

Mariah didn't look at Tessa as she spoke. "I'm not sure."

 

The redheads eyes followed Abby, a twisting feeling in her gut growing the farther the blonde got. She caught her lip between her teeth, eyebrows furrowing together.

 

Maybe she was more sure than she thought.

  
4.

 

Mariah was nervous.

 

It was strange, live broadcasts never made her nervous, but today was different. Today, she felt queasy, and she couldn't stop pacing.

 

GC Buzz was swarmed with staff. People were ducking in and out of dressing rooms, playing with camera settings, boiling water for tea. Mariah watched them all out of the corner of her eye, trying desperately to keep track of who was doing what. The broadcast had to go smoothly.

 

"Mariah,"

 

Mariahs head snapped up at the sound of the voice, eyes wide. Instead of a person, however, she came face to face with a giant bouquet of roses.

 

Before the redhead had time to process this, the bouquet was lowered, revealing none other than the queen of buzz herself.

 

"Relax, it's just me. Don't give yourself whiplash." Hilary jibed, walking a few paces to set the roses down on a table. "What's gotten into you?"

 

Mariah shook her head, snaring her lip between her teeth momentarily as she followed Hilary’s path. Truthfully? She wasn’t sure. This broadcast wasn’t special to her in any way. There was no surprise guest, no tea to spill, no affairs to reveal. Not even a product to review. And yet, the redhead was almost shaking. It could have something to do with the absurd amount of coffee Mariah had consumed a few hours previous, but that hadn’t been a choice. It had been a necessity.

 

See, she was having trouble sleeping. A lot of trouble in fact. Her mind was racing at all hours of the night. Most of the time, she found herself flooded with thoughts, far too many of them focusing on the fact people had believed Mariah was in a relationship. With Tessa. Tessa, as in her _best friend_ Tessa. The mere idea of it made her head spin. Which only prompted more thinking.

 

And when she wasn’t thinking, she was feeling. It was always this warm, sickly sensation, blossoming in her stomach and slithering along her spine until it made its way into her throat, her head. It wasn’t altogether unpleasant, but it did keep her awake. More often than not, Mariah found her eyes snapping open, her skin covered in a light sheen of sweat as her stomach writhed with the strange warmth.

 

So maybe she was a cup of coffee over the human limit, but it was either this, or zombie-Mariah.

 

Of course, she couldn’t tell her boss any of that, so instead she settled on a subject change. “Secret admirer?” The redhead hummed, gesturing towards the grand bouquet of roses the other woman had just set down.

 

Hilary glanced up at Mariah, eyes half-lidded, a permanent glare in them. There was silence for a moment, before the former heaved a sigh. “Not that it’s any of your business,” she began, ruffling the roses gently. “But there’s no one new in my life. I see I can’t say the same for you though.”

 

“I’m sorry?” Mariah wasn’t sure she heard right. As far as _she_ knew, she didn’t have any candidates in her life that could qualify for secret admirer.

 

“Tessa?” Hilary prompted, watching Mariah expectantly, though when the redhead’s expression remained blank, the older woman gestured at the roses on the table. “I’m-” Hilary cut herself off, rolling her lips together, and inwardly cringing, as if what she was about to say pained her. “I’m happy for you.”

 

Mariah was stunned into silence. Not only because Hilary’s admission of happiness actually seemed _genuine,_ but because of the implication of Tessa being Mariah’s person. Mariah’s _girlfriend_. So, after a rather pregnant pause, the redhead could do nothing but laugh.

 

Because it was truly comical. This, at its core, is why Mariah was acting the way she was. It was weird, how many people had no trouble believing Tessa and Mariah were a couple. How many people believed it _despite_ Mariah denying it every time the subject was broached. It was _weird_ that the subject was broached at all.

 

Hilary was regarding her with this look of incredulity, her eyebrows knitted and her lips slightly parted, as though Mariah’s sudden outburst was something never before seen. Which, granted, it was a rare occurrence, but nothing that deserved this reaction.

 

“Sorry,” Mariah wheezed, waving away her laugh, tears of mirth shining in her eyes. “Sorry I just..” she paused to breathe, gather herself. “People keep wishing me well with.. With my relationship. That I don’t have.”

 

Hilary eyed Mariah a moment, then pursed her lips, the lip of her tongue grazing her teeth as she spoke. “You may want to tell your girlfriend that then,” the older woman hummed, patting the bouquet of roses idly before turning her back on Mariah and walking away.

 

The redhead huffed, watching her boss as she high-tailed it out of there, going to talk to a producer or camera operator or someone important. Of course, this conversation would float to the front of Mariah’s thought train at some point; more likely than not at night, while the redhead was fighting consciousness. But for now, she was able to push it to the back of her mind, and focus on the task at hand. She had to get the roses in some water.

 

Mariah handled the flowers with care, mindful of possible thorn injuries. The bouquet really was stunning; it was an arrangement of novelty roses, most, if not all, being yellow roses with red tips, held together by a silky yellow ribbon. However, Mariah was no rose expert, so beyond appreciating the beauty of the flowers, any meaning was lost on her.

 

She had noticed a note attached via the yellow ribbon earlier, but hadn’t got a chance to read it until the bouquet was placed in water. Now, however, the flowers were officially being nourished and the redhead’s hands were free, so she thumbed the ribbon a bit until the note came loose.

 

_Go get ‘em, tiger._

 

_xx Tessa_

 

Mariah stared at the messy scrawl, probably a moment longer than she should’ve, before tucking it into her back pocket. A smile was pulling at her features, she could feel it. The worst part however, was the warm, sickly feeling erupting in her stomach. Like a bunch of rubber ball being dropped from a great height. It was all too familiar.

 

But the redhead swallowed hard, decided it was a problem for another time, and left the roses to stand proud on the tabletop as she was whisked away to get ready for the broadcast.

  
5.

 

Christmas dinner was never supposed to be a mess, but it was, without fail, every single year.

 

Which is why, when Sharon had informed Mariah that she had invited Tessa over for Christmas dinner, the redhead was nervous. Sure, Mariah was on friendly terms with the brunette (apparently, more than friendly, if you asked _anyone_ ) but she was positive the dinner wasn’t going to be quaint. Oh no, the entire mildly extended family was getting together to eat and chat for Christmas.

 

Which included Noah. Noah, aka, Tessa’s ex.

 

Tessa and Noah had broken up before Mariah and Devon had, which had come as a genuine shock to the redhead. As far as she had known, everything was swell between her brother and her best friend. But then Tessa was approaching her after work with concerns about dedication and want and the redhead had helped her come to the conclusion that the brunette didn’t actually like her brother romantically enough to be in a serious relationship with him.

 

And in some sick, awful way, Mariah was relieved when Tessa came to her after the breakup to cry on her shoulder.

 

But Noah, without a doubt, had taken it harder then Tessa had. And he was most definitely going to be at this family dinner, so yeah, Mariah was nervous. For herself or for Tessa, she wasn’t sure, but she wasn’t going to go on some long self discovery journey to find out.

 

Mariah had helped Sharon cook and set the table, which was now absolutely filled to the brim with all sorts of foods, from stuffed turkey, to snapper peas, Sharon’s infamous homemade cranberry sauce among the mix. The redhead was making her rounds around the table, placing mismatched cutlery around a wide variety of plates, occasionally stopping to admire her work when a knock on the door ricocheted around the room.

 

And then people came flooding in.

 

At first it was just Nick and Chelsea and their kids, but then Scott arrived, and Faith came tumbling downstairs, and suddenly Mariah felt mildly overwhelmed. Noah arrived next, which only left Tessa, who, as always, arrived fashionably late. Not that anyone noticed; everyone was busy wandering around, mingling, trying their best to tolerate each other for the sake of the kids in the vicinity.

 

Mariah had taken note though, and the second Tessa had stepped inside, Mariah was with her. Helping her hang up her coat and offering her a glass of wine.

 

The girls retired to a corner of the room, happy to entertain each other. Polite chatter ensued between the two of them, and once again Mariah was rather pleasantly surprised at how easy conversation with the brunette could be. Eventually though, they fell into silence, just standing together and watching the rest of the occupants interact. It was excruciatingly clear that Nick was doing everything in his power to avoid speaking to Scott, and it was rather amusing watching him jump hurdles to avoid conversation.

 

Noah was busy occupying himself with conversation, flitting between talking with Sharon, to talking with Faith. He hadn’t done anything beyond glance at Tessa, and it was clear it was eating at the brunette.

“He hates me,” Tessa voiced, tone soft, shy even.

 

Mariah shook her head gently. “No he doesn’t.” there was no question in her statement, just reassurance. The redhead was beyond convinced Tessa was unhateable at this point, so the notion that Noah could possibly hate the brunette in any way was inconceivable to Mariah.

 

But Tessa was shifting beside her, and when Mariah turned to her, she had her brows knit and she was tapping anxiously on her wine glass. “It’s weird that I’m here,” she told the shorter girl, swivelling her head to make eye contact. “It is. I mean, I’m not family. I should go.”

 

“Hey, woah, slow down there,” Mariah hummed, gesturing at Tessa’s all around being with her free hand. “Of course you’re family. You’ve been my right hand lady for how many months now?” the redhead was laughing a bit now, setting her hand on Tessa’s upper arm. “Besides, you’ve got me. I want you here. At least you appreciate my awkwardness and occasional snarky remark.”

 

“I think you’re 90% snarky remarks,” the brunette commented, letting out an airy laugh, before rolling her tongue over her teeth. She huffed lightly, raising her eyes to scan through the room once more, searching. “Should I talk to him?”

 

“Um,” it was a tough question. On one hand, both Tessa and Noah were incredibly giving. They were good, plain and simple, and Mariah was sure they’d be able to find a way to be civil with each other if they had a go at conversation. On the other hand, she also knew her brother. He had been burned before, and overtime, it had closed him off a bit. He could be a bit colder now, and Mariah didn’t want Tessa to be on the receiving end of that. “Maybe?”

 

Apparently, that wasn’t the right answer, because Tessa pressed her lips together and let out a high pitched huff, almost whine-like. The taller girl started tapping on her wine glass again, a nervous tick Mariah had become accustomed to over time, and her eyes filled with something the redhead could only think to describe as remorse. She could practically see the anxiety creeping up over the brunettes shoulder.

 

“Hey,” she began, setting her wine glass down, and tugging Tessas out of her grasp so she could clasp the taller girls hands in her own. “Don’t stress over this.”

 

“What’s not to stress over?” was the reply, but Mariah could feel Tessas resolve start to crack.

 

“ _You_ ,” the redhead started, trying her best to put as much emotion as possible into the word. “Are the _most_ incredible person I’ve ever met.” An airy laugh from the brunette, a duck of the head. “Seriously, Tessa. You are.. Insanely talented. You’re thoughtful, and funny, and you’ve got the biggest heart. I’ve seen it all first hand.” A pause as Mariah drew a breath. “If you want to talk to Noah, you should. Don’t let your reservations hold you back, they’re not worth your time. Trust me.”

 

Tessa brought her head up to meet Mariah’s eyes. Her hands had stopped tapping against her wine glass, and her breathing was steady. Her eyes, however, were shining with tears. None had fallen yet, but they were present, so Mariah jumped to say something, anything, that could possibly reverse the effect her earlier words had had on the girl.

 

“Plus,” she hummed, hand raising to toy with Tessa’s hair mildly. It was a slow action, practiced even. “You look smokin’.”

 

This pulled a laugh from the brunette, who ducked her head briefly before coming back up to look at Mariah. Her face was loaded with emotions, a new feeling in every eye crinkle, every dimple, every forehead crease. The silence that surrounded the girls was heavy for what seemed like hours, until, finally;

 

“Thank you.” It was soft, hushed even.

 

“Always.”

 

Tessa smiled softly; something she didn't do often, and didn't direct at a wide arrangement of people. It was delicate, and yet steady all at the same time, holding some sort of grand warmth in it that made Mariahs insides squirm.

 

The redhead would've sworn she could live in this moment, had it not been so short lived. In an instant, the air that had once been heavy with tension evaporated, and the moment was interrupted. The clearing of a throat sounded nearby, and Mariah found her hand dropping from Tessas hair and turning to find the source of the noise.

 

Noah was smiling, although hesitantly. He stood two or three feet away from the girls, hands clasped, shoulders raised. He was tense, that much was clear. One could even go as far as to say he was nervous. “Hate to interrupt,”

 

Mariah bit her tongue to hold back her retort, not pausing to think of why she had one at all. “Nothing _to_ interrupt,” she hummed, smile tight, as she glanced between her brother and Tessa, who was now standing stiff as a board. “I'll uh.. I'll let you two talk,”

 

“No need,” it was said in a rush of breath, as Noah took an awkward step in the direction Mariah had intended to walk away in, as if to try and block her. “I just.. I wanted to say I'm happy. That you got back out there.” an idle gesture towards Tessa. “Even if it's with my sister. She's a softie at heart so I'm sure you two will.. yknow, be great. Together.”

 

At this point, Mariah wasn't sure who looked more like a deer caught in headlights; herself or her brother. The redhead was rooted to the spot, trying to process everything that was just said. She was sure she looked mildly insane, all doe eyed and stunned, but really she couldn't find it in herself to care. This was getting ridiculous. It was the fifth time in the span of mere weeks that someone had implied that there were romantic relations between Mariah and Tessa. Sure, maybe Mariah should be questioning why people thought they were dating, but as the thought formed Noah was suddenly saying something about cringing and awkwardness and he was scuttling off before Mariah could say anything against his claims.

 

Instead, she was left with a plethora of questions and denials, and a brunette who didn't even seem half as phased. In fact, when Mariah turned to Tessa, the taller girl was practically glowing, a smile clearly trying to take shape. And the redhead could do nothing but stare, mouth agape, as a flurry of butterflies invaded her stomach, flying through her heart and into her head to settle.

 

6.

 

It was far too late for this, of this much Mariah was sure.

 

That didn’t stop the redhead from scooping her phone into her hands, however. She shook a bit as she typed, an equal amount of adrenaline and fear pulsing through her veins, as her fingers flew across the screen at an impressive speed.

 

It was a bit out of character for Mariah to be this fidgety, this anxious. Normally, she dealt with her crushing feelings the way everyone else did; a carton of ice cream and a Buffy marathon. Because the thing is, Mariah felt a lot. Too much, if you asked her. She was like a stereo with the volume turned way up. But for most of her life, feeling was a problem.  It was in the cult, it was when Mariah “was” Cassie, it was when she was teasing Summer, it was when she met Tessa, because feeling only led to disappointment and loneliness. So she learned to keep a tight lid on things, learned to hide them, learned to let them eat away at her without having them completely consume her.

 

But this feeling was biting. It nipped at her heels when she walked around and snapped at her wrists when she reached for her phone. It demanded her attention like a bleach spot on a black shirt.

 

It took her absolutely ages to figure out what it was, where it came from. It had followed her to her bed after Christmas dinner, and had stayed with her days afterwards. She felt it tingling in her fingertips, felt it buzzing in her head, her heart. It was warm, but nagging all at the same time. Like the buzz you get after a glass too many of wine.

 

She mulled over it when she could. She knew, in her heart of hearts, it had something to do with Tessa. It was as if the girl and her hazy green eyes had left an imprint on her thoughts, on her soul. It was corny, in every regard, but it was the only way Mariah could think to describe what was happening. Every time she thought of the brunette, it was like someone added fuel to the fire.

 

Which, of course, only made things more confusing.

 

But at this point, after days of processing, she knew she had to tell Tessa or she was going to drown on her emotions.

 

Mariah was pacing when the brunette showed up, knocking on the door lightly. The redhead took one final deep breath, a final moment of reassurance, before she turned to the door and let Tessa in.

 

The sight of the brunette, with her cheeks flushed from the cold and her chin buried in a scarf, only made the feeling in Mariahs stomach roar. The taller girl was basically buried in a winter coat; hat tugged tightly over her ears, hands stuffed deep in her pockets. She was the image of winter, and Mariah was mesmerized.

 

“Hi,” it was breathy, said as Mariah stepped aside to let Tessa in.

 

“Hey,” was the response. The brunette was smiling as she discarded her coat, stuffing her hat and scarf in a sleeve for safekeeping.

 

The redhead watched her as she closed the door, trying her best to keep out the winter chill. Tessa had a routine by now. She’d take off whatever jacket she was wearing, hang it up, then step into the living space. Every time, without fail, she’d drag her eyes across the room, drinking in every detail with such intensity, it had left Mariah speechless the first time it had happened.

 

Now it left her speechless, but for a different reason. So she cleared her throat, trying to find her words.

 

“So,” she began, clapping her hands together, an airy laugh escaping her. “I know this must seem weird, asking you over practically at the crack of dawn.”

 

Tessa shrugged. “Not my typical booty call hour, no, but I can make it work.”

 

Mariah almost choked, the twisting feeling in her stomach only flourishing. She coughed a bit then, huffing to try and clear her thoughts. “I uh.” Clearly, she was off to a great start. “I.. We.. People think we’re dating.”

 

It was said in a rush of adrenaline, speeding past her lips without much thought being given to the sentence. The words hung in the air for a moment, and Mariah watched Tessa’s eyebrows raise. Watched her roll her lips together and nod a bit. “Oh.. kay.”

 

“And,” Mariah paused, sucking in a loud breath. She didn’t know where she was going with this anymore. All structure had been thrown out the window at this point, so she started pacing to make up for it. “And, I, like, I get this feeling? Whenever I think about it or you and it makes my skin crawl. In a good way, I just-”

 

“I get it.”

 

The redhead whirled on her heel, completely frozen now. She was sure if she had heard right.

 

But Tessa looked so confident, like this conversation was scripted, like it was all to plan. She took a step towards Mariah, wringing her hands together. “I feel it too,” a pause, an airy laugh. “It- it starts in my fingers, like when I’m writing a song.”

 

Mariah was wide eyed now, watching Tessa like a hawk watching it’s prey. She wasn’t sure what was happening anymore. This wasn’t how the redhead had thought the night would go. “What do we do?”

  
“We could try,” Tessa took another step in Mariahs direction, but this one was less sure.

 

“What?”

  
  
“We could try,” Tessa repeated, snaring her lip between her teeth and shrugging a bit. “Being a couple.”

 

Mariah stared. She just stared. She wasn’t sure for how long, or really what she was staring at, but she couldn’t do much else. It was like everything was in slow motion. She felt something burning hot rip through her, and suddenly, her hands were on Tessa’s face and the brunette was incredibly close.

 

The kiss was slow, lazy even, and shy, but it tore a hole through Mariah. Tessa was soft, hesitant, her hands taking their time to settle on the redhead’s hips and then not moving, but her mere presence was like nicotine to a cigarette addict, and Mariah suddenly wanted nothing more then to be closer.

 

But then Tessa had pulled away, and Mariah found herself blinking her eyes open.

 

“Yeah,” it was hushed, and  Mariah wasn’t even sure she was speaking out loud, but nevertheless, she continued. “We can try.”

 

And the look on Tessas face told her that trying would be the best thing she ever did.

**Author's Note:**

> @i-said-oops on tumblr, @lameiish on twitter


End file.
